"Invictus" by William Earnest Henley

Out of the night that covers me, black as the pit from pole to pole.

I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance my head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears, looms but the horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate, how charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul.

Sweetness Follows

The sweet is never as sweet without the sour. Readying to bury your father and your mother, what did you think when you lost another? I used to wonder why did you bother, distanced from one, blind to the other?
Listen here my sister and my brother, what would you care if you lost the other? I always wonder why did we bother, distanced from one, deaf to the other.
It's these little things they can pull you under. Live your life filled with joy and wonder. I always knew this altogether thunder was lost in our little lives. Oh! But sweetness follows. (REM, Vanilla Sky)

Everything I say is a secret.

It's the 17th of Novemeber and it's the first day of snow

I feel like I am in limbo with the reins in my hand but my stregnth in another's. My will gains conciousness every now and then whenever a moment of truth is at test. I am at the mercy of happy fatigue, laziness and alcoholic humour. Music is not as significant at this point as it is during a high. No supplements can help or improve my condition. Just wait. People help. The phrase ' The more the merrier ' could never be more apt. It's my 21-st birthday and I feel like I am 12; that defines irony and maybe alot more. Thank you everyone for the show of love and the show. It's the 17th of Novemeber and it's the first day of snow.

Hernando Cortez

He came dancing across the water, with his galleons and guns. Looking for the new world, in that palace in the sun. On the shore lay Montezuma, with his coca leaves and pearls. In his halls he often wondered with the secrets of the worlds. And his subjects gathered around him, like the leaves around a tree, in their clothes of many colours, for the angry gods to see. And the women all were beautiful, and the men stood straight and strong. They offered life in sacrifice, so that others could go on. Hate was just a legend, and war was never known. The people worked together, and they lifted many stones. They carried them to the flatlands, and they died along the way. And they built up with their bare hands, what we still can't do today. And I know she's living there, and she loves me to this day. I still can't remember when, or how I lost my way. He came dancing across the water. Cortez, cortez. What a killer. Neil Young - Cortez the Killer.


On November 8, 1519, Cortez reached Tenochtitlan (now Mexico City) and was graciously received by Montezuma, the Aztec emperor. Soon after Cortez established headquarters in the capital, he learned that the Aztecs had plundered Veracruz. He seized Montezuma and forced him to surrender the attackers. Then he had them executed.
Meanwhile Velasquez had sent 1,400 soldiers to arrest Cortez and bring him back to Cuba. Cortez defeated this army and most of the survivors joined Cortez.
He returned to the Aztec capital, Tenochtitlan. As Cortez and his men reached the heart of the city, they were attacked by thousands of Aztec warriors. Montezuma was brought out to pacify his people, but they stoned him, and later he died of his wounds. Cortez' army was surrounded and apparently doomed, but he and three others managed to get to the chieftain of the Aztecs and killed him. Confused by this apparent "miracle," the Aztecs retreated. With fewer than 500 of his men left alive, Cortez, in July of 1520, made his way back to his Indian allies.
Cortez attacked Tenochtitlan again by ship the following May. On August 13, 1521, Guatemoc, the new Aztec emperor, surrendered. This was the end of the great empire of the Aztecs. (Thinkquest.org)

Height of desperation and blue coal..

This is the blue coal. Ever seen anything like this? I doubt it. How did it happen? On that night was coined together the infamous-phrase-to-be, blue hot coal. But I call it kryptonite. Anyways, the answer to the question about how this came to pass is obviously, " it's a long story... " and under most circumstances that means, 'I'll tell you later' OR ' I don't want to tell you'. I will try and share.

The story starts in a land far far away, where there were four sheeshas in one building. Every day and every nightthe sheeshas would parade in their shining armour, as the green fire of envy burned with increasing zeal in the hearts of ciggarettes and bongs. Okay, maybe not bongs but you get my drift; other such devices. As it turned out... (I'm sorry only one phrase can explain what happened to the sheeshas)... un ko nazar lag gayee. Yes. They were struck by the sight. One by one they fell. One was pummeled down by a football flying in from 5 yards off. Another just slipped and fell. The third one just sucked as it was, that leaves us with the last one. The saviour, the 'One'.
Unfortunately, today, the one met the grim reaper as its heart, the bowl, fell on the floor and disintegrated into infinite, non-glue-backable pieces, some still attached to the foil and some not even acknoledging what they were. We thought that that was the end of the road... and this road was not even yellow-bricked.
Note: Manchester United sucks.
Necessity is the mother of invention. It is the father of discovery. And a glimmer of hope. Which is why when we dug and dug under the tree of lost cause, we found the most amazing coal; blue coal! And when that magic was lit, it glowed in neon. Then a sheesha was pieced together comprising of a shitty bowl, shitty structure and a bottle of water. No working pipe would fit in the structure. Desprate as everyone was, it was decided that we shall smoke it direct... eventually for the first and last time. But no superman dieing or any of that crap. And it was apple flavour.

Good vs. Evil

Now you will recieve us! We do not ask for your poor or your hungry. We do not want your tired and sick. It is your corrupt we claim! It is your evil that will be sought by us. With every breath we shall hunt them down. Each day we will spill their blood, 'till it rains down from the skies! Do not kill, do not rape, do not steal. These are principles which every man of every faith can embrace! These are not polite suggestions. These are codes of behavior and those of you that ignore them will pay the dearest cost! There are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth, not to push the bounds and cross over, into true corruption, into our domain. For if you do, one day you will look behind you and you will see we three and on that day YOU WILL REPENT! And will send you to whatever god you wish.

And shepherds we shall be, for thee my Lord for thee, power hath descended forth from thy hand, that our feet may swiftly carry out thy command. We shall flow a river forth to thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be. In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti

- The Boondock Saints

Time is NOT Money, is it?

I dropped my soap in the shower today. Ha ha :P. I actually dropped it, don't let your minds wander. And even if they do wander, let it be known that I did not bend down to pick it up. As the soap was almost done, I let it go down the drain :).
I finally had some pizza after a long time. After more than ten years I would estimate. And I won't say that I'm ok with it, I just won't throw up when I have it next time. It's funny, no one knew I do not eat pizzas... no one pressurized me and it smelt good, so I had a slice. I'm so proud. So yea I won't feel like an outcast the next time we go to pizzaButt. Haha I can actually see that food chain in Lahore, PizzaButt or Butt Pizza.. inspired from the infamous Butt Sweets and not to forget the Traffic Police warning sign "Speed thrills, Butt kills". Priceless.
I'd like to point out one more thing. Murti's blog inspired me to write more and more about my daily experiences. Or weekly experiences. I've never done that before. So yea, we're growning up from being little boys to big girls, all thanks to my friend.
Time is money everyone says. But money doesn't haunt you, time does. When you've got nothing to do, time haunts. Makes you do things that you'll regret later on. Like putting out cigarette-butts on your arm. Using toothpaste to ease the pain and wondering 'why?!'.
In fact, time and money are like opposittes. Money haunts you when you don't have any and time does when its in plethora.
I have to renew my passport, so I had to go get some photographs taken. While I was waiting at the counter, this guy was looking at his pictures. My curious eye fell on the stack of pictures in his hand and I saw a figure adorned in purple sunglasses and a black leather jacket. Bono. Pictures from a U2 concert. Up to this day I have not felt bad about not buying insanely over-priced (black) tickets, but today it all changed. One last tour is what I'm going to hope for and then that stack will be in my hands. Muahaha.
'Time' to go spend 'Money' on food. :)

understanding reality

Day: one of the last few days of Ramadan
Time: right after a full stomach ( sehry )
Music: vital signs - ajnabi
Activity: None .. hence the blog


Too much's going on. So much that I loose count. I've never used an organizer, always relied on memory to do the job. My brain has not let me down so far, but I guess it's about time I stop testing it. Tomorrow I shall organize and I'll make a 'mental' note of that right now:).
One thing I've realized, as long as there is food to eat not living at home is fine. Cats meow, dogs bark and humans talk. Cats, dogs and humans walk. Aloo parathas without dahee are not worth eating. Someone just called me an asshole. There's a half empty pack of pringles on my desk and I am tempted. Nobody knows me properly. I don't either. I have a class in 6 hours and already I'm thinking about skipping it. Life has not changed much back home. I don't miss much. Don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. People think alot has changed, it has not... nothing that would not have happened has not happened. Life has followed the pattern it was on, nothing out of the ordinary has happened. Nothing that I can't see happening has not happened. You obviously don't get my drift. The poster with pink floyd albums painted on girls' backs is old now. I will watch the Boondock Saints tomorrow for the Nth time. I will try and count sheep as I go to sleep tonight. Fuck this sounds like real blog, I'm letting myself down. I'll go drown in evaporated water...

Did you know?

Edicius is suicide spelt backwards.

Three red lights in the dark sky

In my rearview mirror, the sun is going down. Sinking behind the bridges in the road. And I think of all the good things, that we have left undone. And I suffer premonitions, confirm suspicions of the holocaust to come.
The rusty wire that holds the cork, that keeps the anger in, gives way. And suddenly it's day again. The sun is in the east, even though the day is done. Two suns in the sunset. Hmmmm... could be the human race is run.
Like the moment when the brakes lock, and you slide towards the big truck "oh no!". You stretch frozen moments with your fear. And you'll never hear their voices "Daddy, Daddy!". And you'll never see their faces, you have no recourse to the law anymore.
And as the windshield melts, my tears evaporate, leaving only charcoal to defend. Finally I understand the feelings of the few. Ashes and diamonds. Foe and friend. We were all equal in the end.

Pink Floyd - Two suns in the sunset (The Final Cut)

Yarian

The Begining

Cauliflower A : "Oye!... (someone turns around) haha tumhara naam oye hai?"

Cauliflower B : "Your Mom"

Cauliflower A : "Gay"

Cauliflower B : "If you were a girl your name would be Laura"

Cauliflower A : "If you were a guy your name would be Mazhar Fakhar"

Cauliflower B : "cow-thief"

Caulifower A : "bhenson"

Cauliflower B : " *****"

Cauliflower C : "Let's go for poondi"

Cauliflower A (to B) : "Aloo kay parathay"

Cauliflower B : "Jalebi"

Cauliflower F : "Let's go race"

Cauliflower A : "Why don't we go to your house HUH HUH?!?!"

Cauliflower B : "Yea, let's go race, cheer for me A"

Cauliflower REF : "On your marks, get set, Go!!"

Cauliflower B,C,D,E,F.....Z : "Huff" and "Puff"

Cauliflower A : "GO B! GOBEE! GO B! GOBEE!"

The End

of patterns and pick-up trucks

dammit... it's 2 :14 am to be exact, this font that I'm typing in is funny. It would be awesome if my handwriting was even half as good as this shit. Screw that, I wish my handwriting was legible. Actually no, screw that... my handwritten blogs are too personal. Yes, I keep a diary.
....... Yea, I'm sorry.. I'm suck at lieing when I'm typing. To think of it that's ridiculous, I mean you don't even have to keep a straight face. You know, a straight face like that of a man who lends his voice to a documentary. Which reminds me, I don't understand these producers, they all use the sleep-inducing voice. Suckers. Imagine if doctor evil did a documentary...

"The pengiuns like to stick together through thick but not thin, experts like to argue that it's something that comes to them naturally, but after my short yet hair-raising (double pun*) research I came to the conclusion that it's just plain common sense that tells them not walk and then drown on thin ice as a group . Gives penguins a bad name. Just as bad cause the 'experts' failed to use that very common sense to reach to their conclusions.
Anyways, enough's enough, Austin Powers we know that you're not hot but you still get the chicks, wow I am jealous. I can't believe that people can watch us tussle it out a fourth time. Anyways I am in the south pole, having unlimited supply of snow-cones, using up the worlds water... stop me if you can. Santa Clause is on the north pole. Emphasis 'on'. It's September, so he's probably in his red thermal boxers smoking crack, or dealing it to the kids at school... "I know who's been a bad boy/girl this year huan huan (snicker)".. I hate him, he's fat and old and popular with the chicks too. But the real reason I hate him is not the fact that, apparently, the girls love him but the fact that he's such a big show-off about it.. "hoe hoe hoe.." .. such a pimpster. Guy needs 7 deers. And then there's the Rat with the Ninja turtles. Guy needs to loosen up, guy needs 7 beers. That rhymes... beautiful poetry... bootyful as santa would say.
Anyways I'm on tv...and it's time to the put my pinky on my lips"

.... that would suck too.
* Double-pun because a)........ I dunno I've lost track of the topic and b) cause I have no hair ha!

Talking about patterns. When I write my book, not so pointless it will be, it will be greatly influenced by the idea of patterns. Mind you not a dupatta pattern. That I will talk about in my other book. But in this one I would like to emphasize on the fact that there's a pattern in everything, you've just got to find it. It's on the tarmac on the road. There's a pattern for infinite variables with infinite variables. Like how rain-water sometimes lands on some parts of you at one time and the next time on other parts. The way in which the floor is crack, the trees shed leaves, the tiles in the bathroom (that pattern is probably planned)... and so on.
Stop. Enough random philosophy. A 'B-' in intro to philosophy means that you shouldn't think. Screw that, I think therefore I am. Ha! I quote De Cartes to the Philosophy that disowned me. Bloody class participation marks.

Ok cheer up time. Random-on-the-spot-madeup-joke-time. OK. There are these people who are friends. One of them is a stoner. Stoner leaves. And then one of the other friends becomes the stoner's replacement. One fine evening another friend catches neo-stoner roasting a roach, and he asks him ' dude what's up with that? ' . And neo-stoner says, refering to the departed, "someone's got to replace his 'high'ness ".... I am so good. I wish I was as good as boasting about the fact that I am this good.

Speaking of pick-up trucks... picture this [and I don't mean to plagiarise so I'm mentioning before hand the dialogue has heavy influence from the beavis and butthead show] ..pick-up truck driver's pick-up line.. "Hey .. get out of my dreams and into my car baby.." Which reminds me, I once knew this guy who went to return his pick-up truck after this girl turned him down, he said the truck didn't work.
Clearly, there isn't much to say to that because I just made the story up. But I'm hoping one of my friends does something like that, so that I can erase these last two lines.

I feel like having Sprite. Wait. Pause. It probably sucks for you guys because my blog is so stationary... so not in tune with time and space. There's no mention of how the day went, or what's happening, or what will happen. I mean if the clock didn't tick or if it moved too fast, it would not effect in any way on what I have written. Even if I had been writing this very thing at a different point in time.

But I'll not stick to conventions and mention that someone said today that "it's in our minds". And I don't know if he just randomly said those words or if he was actually thinking about it. Philosophy.

My mind is dry, I'm out of ideas. I'm no more in the hub of creativity. Random thoughts don't just come to me anymore, I've got to try and seek them out now. Sucks. Guy struggles. Guy needs 7 cheers. I'm leaving now.. high and dry.

Holiday - Doktor Kosmos

Holiday x2
It's the best day
The Ice-cream day
I am only happy
When I have
Holiday ... x6 (fade out)

Over the Hills and Far Away

Hey lady--you got the love I need

Maybe more than enough.

Oh darling... walk a while with me

Ooh, you’ve got so much...

*

Many times I loved

Many times been bitten

Many times I’ve gazed

Along the open road.

*

Many times I’ve lied

Many times I’ve listened

Many times I’ve wondered

How much there is to know.

*

Many dreams come true

And some have silver linings

I live for my dream

And a pocketful of gold.

*

Mellow is the man

Who knows what he’s been missing

Many many men

Can’t see the open road.

*

Many is a word

That only leaves you guessing

Guessing ’bout a thing

You really ought to know, ooh!

You really ought to know

I really ought to know!

Oooh, you know I should, you know I should, you know I should...

***

Led Zeppelin

Tickle Tackle

Here's a list of the top 5 most loserish things that you could do if you have all the time in the world and no other obligation to tend to.

5. Count your fingernails. First forwards, then backwards. Repeat.

4. Blog

3. Watching Mtv Jackass. [I dig #3]

2. Invent a time machine and/or watch bahria town commercials on tv.

1.5 Model for Bahria Town commercial.

1.[ Hands down winner... the reason why I did the number 4-blog- on this list]. Edit your orkut profile, and to fill up the "Music" section, list all the god damn artists that exist in your iPod. In alphabetical order. My cousin is the ultimate loser.... and I am not. I am so proud!!

p.s. Chewy is dead. He jumped off the backseat and into the trunk.

p.p.s. Mobile fones with cameras are gay.

p.p.p.s. Even if my cousin was not the ultimate loser, it would not be me.

p.p.p.p.s. I've heard that murti is a fruitcake.

p.p.p.p.p.s. Tututu encapsulates bassam's idiocy.

An excerpt from a script...

One of the many magical moments in the movie. If you read this with the songs mentioned in the script, in the background, you can actually see the movie and be mesmerized. And if you look hard enough, you can see your entire future.

INT. WILLIAM'S BEDROOM - DAY

William finishes the last of many candy bars. A mound of wrappers sit just below the mirror. He examines his face hopefully for zits. Nothing coming. We begin to hear Simon and Garfunkel's "America."

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

Anita stands in the living room. The song continues playing on the stereo.

ANITA (Elder sister)

I want to play you a song that explains why I'm leaving, and try to listen.

ELAINE (Mother)

We can't talk? We have to listen to rock music?

EXT. FRONT LAWN - DAY

William watches sadly. Anita's good-looking boyfriend DARRYL, a dead ringer for young Stephen Stills, loads her suitcases into a large turqouise Chevy. The suitcases are adorned with plastic stick-on flowers. All coolness is leaving William's life. Mom watches nearby, worried and helpless. (Their house is more austere, less "fun" than the other front lawns.)

WILLIAM

Take good care of her in San Francisco, man.

Darryl gives the kid a sub-human look. He's invisible, too young to converse with.

ELAINE

How can she leave such a loving family?

Anita turns and heads towards them. She focuses on William, placing her hands on his young shoulders. Her face is very close to him now, as she delivers this sage prediction of the future.

ANITA

One day you'll be cool.

He nods stoically, hopefully. He is utterly lost. She leans forward and whispers in his ear.

ANITA

Look under your bed. It'll set you free.

Anita shakes hands with Mom, and exits. As the car takes off:

ELAINE

She'll be back.

In the distance we hear the whoop of her daughter.

ANITA

YEAHHHHH-HOOOOOOOO.

ELAINE

Maybe not soon...

William watches wistfully. He moves away from his mother. She pulls him closer. Shot moves in on his slightly fearful face.

INT. DARRYL'S CAR - DAY

Anita looks back at the receding American Gothic-image of her mother and brother. Sister waves to brother. She feels for him. Music now shifts to The Who's "Sparks."

INT. BEDROOOM - NIGHT

William locks the door. He reaches under his bed. It's a black leatherette travel bag, with tartan design. He unzips the bag--it's filled with albums. He flips through the amazing, subversive cache of music. Cream's Wheels of Fire... the seminal Bob Dylan bootleg Great White Wonder... the Rolling Stones' Get Yer Ya Ya's Out... The Beach Boys' Pet Sounds... Abraxas by Santana... Jethro Tull's Stand Up... The Mother's of Invention's We're Only In It For The Money... Led Zeppelin... Crosby, Stills and Nash... Miles Davis' Bitches Brew... and The Who's Tommy... with a note taped to it.

ANITA (V.O.)

"Listen to Tommy with a candle burning and you will see your entire future..."

The heady effect of all these albums registers, as we see him lighting a candle.

- Cameron Crowe, Almost Famous (2000)

Food for thought

I write this because I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and eat something. Make it or just pull it out of the fridge. I'm starved. And I'm begining to realise that food for thought will not stop my stomach from growling... so screw it. Drew (Carey) it. Brew (Murree) it. I'm goin' down. Black-hawk down.

Pilot : "Mayday mayday ahhhhhhh...."
Genral : " God dammit it's the middle of June here!"
Pilot : " So?!"
Genral : " SO!??!?! Don't So me... SUE me... it's Juneday"
Pilot : "Just bloodywell help me you bastard, I'm about to die here!!"
Genral : " Too bad! That's what you signed up for, your job. Just try and save the plane will ya?... Atleast you won't be So-ing me anymore"
Pilot : " But sir sir sir! Cycle wala is point per aa kar kya karay ga??"
Genral : " errrrrrrrrnnnnnnnn Kartab dikhaye ga aur kya karay ga!!"

Doof for thought..

One, Two. Buckle my shoe.

Three, Four. This is my new look.

Five, Six. P.T.O.

Seven, Eight. Napoleon Dynamite

Nine, Ten. Sitting on PC no. 7 in eLab.

Eleven, Twelve. Go look under the mousepad there is a treasure-map.

Thirteen. Thirteen do. Thirteeen do me count count, your wait . Come piya, comming spring.

P.S. haha gotcha!! [ That is IF and only IF you left this blog and went to Elab to check under mousepad OR IF you thought about doing it after reading the 'P.S.']

Facts of Life => fact of the day 2 [Cortez the killer]

Note : This, for once, is a serious post. Don't expect any wisecracks. Don't expect any cracks either.

It has come to my notice that most of my readers feel that my blog postings are too long. Let me take you through my thought process. Basically........................ . See, nothing special. Nothing rational. I'll tell you where my blogs come from. During that part of the day (night) when I want to sleep but I can't and there's nothing else to do, I blog. I blog till I can't keep my eyes open. Do not try this at home; work's best in school. So you see the fact of the day is not that I blog myself to sleep, the fact of the day is that I am funny and my blogs are funny. (Not this one though, clearly).

When I first met you

Didn't realize

I can't forget you

For your surprise

You introduced me

To my mind

And left me wanting

You and your kind

Black Sabbath - Sweet Leaf

Peace...

Quotes of life => Quote of the Day 2

There's a new secret society in town. It's called the Mahir's blogs fanclub. You're all probably wondering where it's at, who's incharge (not me) and how to join. But I'm sorry, I can't help you as I'm not a member myself (honest!!). It's such a 'secret' society that you probably have not even heard of it. Or read about it in the papers and/or other blogs. That's good secrecy. In fact you're probably wondering how I came across this invaluable piece of information in the first place.

Well, let's just say that a little piggy went to the market. And he was so little that he was holding his khala's chichi (littelest finger aka pinky). The little piggy hadn't taken a bath in two weeks. It resulted in an odour which reminded all the other talking-animals, who live in the imagination of some of our teachers, at the market of the times when bathrooms were not invented, and when little piggies couldn't fly. As a result of the official LUMS stench, the little piggy got his ass kicked by all the animals at the market. Ostkritch inclusive. Spelling mistake intended.

So anyway, whilst the little piggy was being transformed into ham, bacon and sausage, I was relaxing on the white sands of a Carlito-Carribean-Cool (cue to eat apple) beach. And just to relive the experience I'm going to switch to present tense for this bit. One of the many chicks around me say "Cluck Cluck Cluck". And I say "Hey!! no be using fowl language with me! Otherwise I eat when you grow up to be chickens!". Read and learn boys. Anyways, this bottle comes floating to the beach and its got a piece of paper stuck in it and also, a piece of paper stuck on it saying 'Top Secret! Do not read'. So, duh.... the note read:

"All the members of the Mahir's blogs fanclub, we are to start working on project 'an album cover' ."(ha ha ha, you either get it or you don't. So if it doesn't induce laughter the first time... read on)

That's how I got to know. And this is how you got to know. Now hopefully those who already knew will be able to help the ones who now know. I'm trying to confuse the third-person reader by using that Friends 'know' joke. It's not working, it sucks. And I'm too lazy to backspace and erase . But I am stupid enough to type another line saying that I'm too lazy. There I go again typing another line. And another. You get it now don't you?
If you didn't : Me = Lazy + Stupid.
If you did: Why did you read the answer for didn't?

In short, I ask all my royalfans to help out all my other fans. Basic assumption : other fans > 1. Damn this last joke was lame.

Flashback. Remember that little piggy that got his ass kicked in the Monday Market? He's a big pig now. Hahahaha Big pig... that rhymes. Don't you just love it when words rhyme. Like jelly and belly. Like slick and chick (cluck cluck cluck). Like yawn at dawn. Like the duffer buffer. Like mobile and bucket. Like corn and.... can't think of any. Help me out guys. Like rookie and cookie. Like all dinosaur names. Like hero and zero. Like supercalafragaexbialleydocious and... attrocious. Screw it. Drew (Carey) it.

Yea so about that big pig. He tried drowning a fish. He wanted bacon for breakfast. And he got his ass kicked by a duck. Primarily because he tried to come up with a rhyming name for duck too. And duck wasn't happy with the basket of goods that he was given.

So big pig ran away and lived the life of a chicken, cluck cluck cluck, just because he was about to be straightened by yuck duck (what the hell did you have in mind as to what big pig named the duck!?).
'Pig turns chicken' was the headline on the evening newspaper, cause all the birds had just crapped all over the morning issue. So the next time you order stuffed chicken breast with pineapple sauce... ask for more fries. It's almost stingy the way they serve fries with the food.

You're all wondering what happened to facts of life => fact of the day 2. It's comming. As for Quote of the day... well, I'd like to start on a light note, something funny in the cliched derogatory sense, not my style. Long live Sardar G joke... whooops slip of fingers and too lazy to backspace... there I go again...

Anyways back to the anecdote. For an interview a local film actress insisted that she be interview en anglais (that's french for 'in english'). Reluctant the host was, but he acceded. Answering to a question which prompted a response along the lines of what her best feature was, the actress replied "My ass". There was an awkward pause, luckily or, as I must insist, MOST unluckily this wasn't live. But before the host could do anything more awkward, the actress said, pointing towards her eyes "I have beautiful ass". Faulty 'pronunciation' had, for once... just once, saved the day.

That wasn't the quote of the day. Don't go around quoting that or misquoting me or misquoting yourself. Or whatever. I was going to sign off with the lyrics of Feelin' Bad Blues by Ry Cooder, but there aren't any, its no singing just music. It's just one man, his blues and his guitar. And so on a serious note, I sign off with my 2 ads hit with the quote of the day to follow.

Today, I got the blues. Got it bad. The feelin' bad blues. Life's complete with all its unsolvedness, its complications. No words, no problems, just one man and his blues played out on six strings. Trapped. Hypnotized. Withdrawn. The world. I got the blues.

“The blues is an expression of anger against shame and humiliation” (B.B. King)

->I got no shame, no anger. I got the blues.

Defining Blog (Part II :Potion, Lotion, Motion, Notion, Emotion, Commotion, Promotion, Demotion, Ocean?)

What could be more mind-bloggling, I mean mind-blogging, I mean mind-boggling (Yes? Got it right? Recheck = 'mind-boggling')... I'll just start all over...

What could be more mind-boggling than defining a blog in two parts? Especially when you've got nothing relevant down in part one. I hate it when there's an accumulation of workload. Though I should be used to it by now, having sucessfully shown resistance for two years in a prestigious institution in Lahore. Bitter words, bitter thoughts. Clearly, I am in no mood to ramble on. Sorry to disappoint you all. But it's not like I get paid to write words in a funny order, especially when I'm in a bitter mood.

Right. So as I stand, I've got to define the two-part blog in one-part, then I've got to make up for all the '2 ads hit' in the first part, then I've got to work on my plan to take on the world, then I've got to count to confirm whether or not the Rosepetal box really does contain, en-quote, '150 x 2 ply table napkins' and then I have to wear my cap on backwards to check if I look any different today, as compared to yesterday when I wore my cap on backwards.

I just performed the hourly ritual of spinning your neck around and the Smashing Pumpkins cd cover caught my attention. Ironic it is that there are no smashed pumpkins on the cover, just a guy with long blond hair, wearing a bald cap. Or it really is a bald guy with no long blond hair. Anyways, the band's broken up so we can close our eyes and imagine the pumpkins being smashed... It's a funny site if they're being smashed by a cow's tail, whose motion is quite similar to the pattern that it adopts under the situation where it is trying to smash flies.

I am a coke person so YaaaY for Coke and Booo for Pepsi. What does Pepsi stand for anyway? Pay Each Penny to Save Israel?? I'm sure they've altered it for Pepsi Pakistan. I'm sure it's something like "Pakistan's Excellent Pepsi is Superior to India's". Where as for coke, it would have to be something like 'Coke Or/and Kristmas are Equals'. You probably don't believe me.

Well you shouldn't. Unless ofcourse you're a Pepsi-lover, cause only Pepsi-lovers are gullible enough to fall for such parc (crap backwards). Pepsi is harmful for your intellect and Coke for your teeth. I can safely conclude that Coke > Pepsi , as long as coke doesn't damage your 'wisdom' tooth, because then you'd be losing your teeth and intellect.

Ok. About Blogs. In order to answer the question that I have dared to ask myself, I'll have to resort to the "Little Girl Theory" of the wise old Sir William Khuts. According to the theory, there is a little girl in all of us with pink ponytails and uhhh... I'll pretend that there isn't more but there is (Though maybe not relevant to the question at hand). This blogging business is just an outlet for that little girl, that lives in all of us with pink ponytails. It is the thought that keeps the spirit of the little girl alive, it is the effort that keeps the ponytails everpink.

Clearly, the little girl inside of me is some reincarnation of Gwen Stephanie from the No Doubt days of 'Ex-girlfriend'... very pink and very punk. No ponytails. But shit!!! Still pink!? I guess that's where the blogging comes in.

I'll let you off easy this time. Signing off with the new words of Dave Grohl [Foo Fighters], straight from the new Foo: The best of you

I’ve got another confession to make,
I’m your fool,
Everyone’s got their chains to break,
Holdin’ you,
Were you born to resist?
Or be abused?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

¿

Quotes of life => Quote of the Day

Note: These quotes are not well-constructed sentences with profound meanings. They are all thats left of the jargon in my head.

Quote of today: "Oye!!" - Most frequently used quote in recent times. Experts have been unable to pen down an accurate interpretation, but they unanimously feel that the quote serves as some form of a greeting. A small segment of the experts are of the opinion that "Oye!!" is a tribute to the legendary character Pop'oye!!' the Sailor. I would also like to add that these experts are currently working on a thesis which basically revolves around the idea that the Whitehouse is a house for white presidents only. I would further like to add that these experts determined that their previous project, "Why Americans spell colour as color...", was inconclusive. Stupidity has always managed to reach new depths. For those interested, in the future the experts plan to work on a PG 16 version of the Sesame Street. So far they've only come up with a couple of characters; Big Turd and Cookie Pornster. They're hoping that BBC will air the program. In the end, they plan to retire and read my blogs. So, you all should feel like you've achieved the world!!!

A special shout out to all those that do not call me and wake me up before noon. I love you all.

Facts of Life => fact of the day

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. This sentence has each letter of the alphabet used atleast once. [In case you were wondering, that was not the fact of the day... I just assumed that you were familiar with that fact already]. The purpose of fact of the day is to enlighten the unlit, it is not to enlighten the already lit (Lit is not short for literate). If you are from amongst the unlit, proceed.

The question is, why was the fox quick and the dog lazy? Was the fox wearing a pair of skates, and the dog still in his boxers even after mid-day? Or is it because the person who is responsible for this sentence was a cat-lover/dog-hater? But ofcourse that all depends on the perception of things. I mean that person is probably a dog-lover if he percieves laziness as a commendable atribute, as I clearly do. But one thing is for sure; whoever first wrote that sentence is a fox-lover.

Foxes are sly. They've proven to be so once again. And dogs will be dogs. No disrespect intended by that statement, because frankly I would rather call dogs dogs and preferably not refer to them as 'four-pawed creatures that bark sometimes and bite often'. Though I have never been bitten yet, I have had countless experiences of 'almost bitten'. Clearly I'm not a dog-lover, that means that my claim to the sentence in question is absolute 2 ads hit (refer to previous post).

I can assure you that my book is nothing like this. I make a much more intellectual effort for that. Please buy it when it gets published, it's called "Chronicles of superheros that end with 'Iderman'". I'll give you a little sneak peek because I can either do that or I can go on about reptiles and their waste problems. I'm guessing you'll choose the sneak peek any day given the choice, and if you think you wouldn't, you need therapy.

It's a really well written story, full of belly-laugh humour, nerve-wrecking thrill, conditional love and dramatic drama. Bit of everything eh? Add a little rain and you've got a lollywoood production. But anyways, as far as the 'original idea' story goes, it is about two brothers. These two brothers used to live happily with their parents in a village. One ordinary day, like every other ordinary day, the family went to a funfair to...uhh... 'chillax'. And that's where it all began, that's when their lives changed. Masked gunhorsemen (gunmen + horsemen = gunhorsemen or horsegunmen?) wildly marched into the fair of fun and shot anyone with uneven/uncool/unelvis sideburns. These gunhorsemen had no association with any religious/political party, that is why they didn't have a hundred and forty-eight justifications for shooting the women. In fact, they had none. Who can blame them? There has never been, in the history of mankind, a woman named Elvis. They did not have a benchmark, so they resorted to their combined minimal common-sense and they ordered the women to organize a marathon and be responsible for the consequences.

Back to the story. There was madness all around. The brothers got separated not because of the madness, but because of the fact that younger of the two wet his pants, and the other was too embarassed to stick around. So he ran away with the blind man. The other kid's piss drove all the horses nuts. So, all the gunhorsemen dismounted and became just gunmen. And they took the leakypants to their boss, who adopted the child and named him The Abominable Snowman. 'The' being his first name.

Genius. I think I've got enough penned down to sell the book to some sopari company and then live off the measely royalties, what say you?

OK. Enough. Argh. Back to the topic. Argh. Rest assured, for the next fact of the day post there will be no extra 2 ads hit. Argh. And just because it says 'fact of the day', it doesn't mean that I'm going to blog a fact of the day everyday. It really is a more random thing, a mood thing. Not to say that my mood is random. Actually, you know what, my mood IS quite random... then again, I'm not quite sure if it is that random, but my mood depends on the situation and situations can be arbitrary... Argh!!

RIGHT! I have had too much coke today. Hence, clearly, there is a plethora of stories or thoughts or, most importantly, facts rushing into and out of my mind. As for now I shall stick with the most factual fact:
-Your hair look best when your barber makes them, right after you've had the haircut-

Defining Blog (Part 1 : 2 ads hit)

Why do I blog? Good question... I don't know why... atleast not yet, I hope that as I aimlessly go on about what a blog is, I might stumble upon the answer to the question that I have asked... the one begining with 'Why'.
I'm not good with essay questions, ask limpy any day, and this sure as hell qualifies as a 14 (marks). So, as per tradition, I will try to keep it as short as I possibly can, which is very short. And you are probably refusing to believe me, as I have been going on about absolute toadshit for almost 6 lines, and that is ALOT for a short answer. Yes, I said toadshit because I do not know what it looks like. In fact, I do not quite know the difference between a toad and a frog... is one brown and the other green? does one crap green and the other crap brown? or is the ugly one a toad? because that would cause QUITE a mayhem... as I feel that none of them are quite in the circle of cute... let alone sexy. But I'm guessing the potential prince charming rules the other one out as ugly, as I have only read of frogs turning into princes. I'm not kissing any fly-feaster to find out if its a toad (blekh) or prince charming (blekh). Though I am sure that my friend Murtaza here might show interest, if the prince in question was not famous for being on cardboard covers for chocolate, vanilla and strawberry biscuits, but instead if the prince in question was a potential backstreetboy OR an "artist formerly known as" himself. But lets not stray from the topic. I am sure that the distinction between the two can be made in a less complicated manner. The kids who disect the poor squishys would know. They would know more about toadshit too. So that's that about toadshit.
You are probably understanding why I was not amongst "Limpy's favourites" (if you hear that there exists such a group... it's toadshit!!).
I was not the sort of a person that would blog...EVER... but here I am on blogspot dot frigging com, blogging away about toads, of all the things in this world, in the wee hours of the night. I still stick by my original statement that, "I am not a wuss, I am just 'a' curious." Yes folks, the pun WAS intended there with 'a'.
I am not the victim of peer-pressure. As that is the justification that my friend Murtaza has given to redeem himself from the postion where, possibly, he could have been labelled an eternal wuss. No! I was not pressured, I was lured towards the forbidden fruit. Our paths may have been different but we fell prey to the common charlatan. Yes, it was the midnight strike at day-time... it was Noon. May you kiss a toad, and may that toad turn into a four-eyed purple tentacle. But hey... you'll still be my brother, with a wacky fetish, and even though I will always blame you for me blogging... I will be 'ironical' (as used in Good Will Hunting) when I will confess that I blog because I can't write all this toadshit on a piece of paper, because thats just a waste of time and effort... no one's going to read that, even if anyone wants to read it. Hell I'll absent-mindedly recycle(aeroplanes) the pieces of paper before anyone's enlightened by all my randomness. No one will understand it, or recognize it as english, as my hand-writing is like the swan that never grew up. And I blog all the randomness because no one will read it.. even if my handwriting is times new roman. THAT'S ironical and that is the reason why I blog. I guess I've bored you enough, I 've bored myself atleast. If you've read this far...you need to blog your thoughts or wait for Part II of this piece, where I actually talk about toadshit and not toads, and where I finally get down to defining blogs.
P.S. For those too slow to figure out what the title is... 2 ads it = two ads hit = to ads hit = toadshit
savvy?

don't want to talk about it

"My football's life had many disappointments, and this is one of this. I'm really sorry, but I'm proud of this team, of this club, of my team-mates too. Destiny gives and takes." - Shevchenko

Good time to roll on

Me and your cold, driving in the snow,
Let the good times roll, let the good times roll,
Cowgirl king of the rodeo, let the good times roll,
Let the good times roll........Good time to roll on!