we don't need no Valetination

Pick up lines courtesy our heros, Beavis, Butthead and me

"Why don't you get out of my dreams and into my car, baby?"
That didn't really work. It didn't work because the girl did not have a sense of humour. She was blonde, so I did not expect her to have any common sense either. All she had was nonsense. Which is exactly why I was drawn towards her. But I think the reason why it did not work was because I did not have a car and I don't think she thought the car was a metaphor. Which is what I was hoping for.
A metaphor for what though? On second thought, I think this was as far as I could have gotten with that line. Thank God she wasn't mildly smart enough to assume a metaphorical car.

"You need a man in your life, baby. And like, I need a woman. Let's like get into each other's life or whatever"
She said that she already had a man in her life. I told her that my life's pretty much free and she can step in whenever she wants. Her man ended up stepping ON it.

"I'm not trying to pick you up. You're like too heavy"
Some words kill a girl's sense of humour. They are heavy, fat, huge, big, twilight, bradd pit and 'that bitch'

"If you're really hot, I bet I can cool you down.."
This is where being cool comes in handy. But if you're not cool and if you're hot then you're screwed because 'If you're really cool, I bet I can hot you up' is not correct English.

"Hey that burka/niqab/shuttlecock looks great on you"
This is great because you're telling her that you appreciate her inner beauty. But when her outer beauty is under a bukra, it becomes the inner beauty. And when the inner beauty is under the burka, it becomes the inner-inner beauty. In fact, all you're really appreciating is the work of the burka-maker. But you don't really need to worry about that, they haven't really figured that out yet.

"I would like, do homework or something, for your love"
She's probably done her homework. Or doesn't plan to do it. She'll always have second thoughts about YOU doing her homework. Anyways, is it really worth it?

"Hey, are you one of those chicks who goes out with guys right off the bat? Because that's what I'm looking for.."
You've got to keep using this one till someone says 'yes' and then it will work automatically. The premise just sets it up so nicely for you.

"I wish I was in the bomb-squad, then I could defuse you... cause you're a sex-bomb"
extra chees-E. But we have a winner if you ever want to commit suicide.